Remembrances

It has been two years since you left us. Yet, if I blink my eyes... 

I can see you sitting in your favorite chair. I can hear your voice as you talk about the state of the crops, or the condition of the cattle market. I can recall your playful tone when I called and said, "It's Joni", and you responded, "It is you, isn't it?". Or when it was Mom's turn, you handed her the phone, and said, "It's Jopey." 

I have memories of you crawling under whatever tractor decided it was good to break down during planting season--or a combine with the same crazy idea during harvest. 

Your implement store cap, bill upturned, shading your face, but never stopping the dust of the Plains from coating your face. The grease from a thousand and one repairs  never completely erased from under your nails. The farmer's tan, earned from decades of working under the sweltering Kansas sun. Wrestling and roughly rubbing down a newborn calf to coax warmth and life into its little body, and helping clean up the back porch after the baby was safely returned to its mama. A lifetime of dealing with the droughts, floods, snows, storms, and crazily fluctuating market prices etching themselves into the lines of your dear, caring face. 

I hear your laughter as you share the latest "overhead in the coffee shop" joke, or as you read a humorous tidbit from whatever newspaper you have in hand. 

I reminisce about making the trek to church, no matter what the weatherman said. I see you sitting at the head of the table, thanking God for providing another meal. In my mind's eye, there is a permanent photo album of church memories: Sunday school class, teaching the children another "Did you know?", late-night board meetings, sitting at the end of the pew, and giving me "the look" if I misbehaved. Standing (and in later years sitting, when standing was no longer possible) at the church doors, greeting everyone with a welcoming smile and a word or two to let every individual know they were welcome.

Too many memories to count... 

Journeys to Colorado.  Fishing in the mountain streams.  Those perilous, rough trips in the Jeep, as we made our way slowly up the seemingly impassable mountain trails.

Sitting at the kitchen table, eating Life cereal, because that's what my daddy eats.

Seeing you in the stands as I struggled with my confidence as a basketball player, and your words of encouragement after you conferred with the coach. We both knew I loved to play, but I was never going to be a sports standout. 

Always looking for your face in the audience, and many times knowing the farm had taken precedence over a play, sporting event, or music festival. But also knowing you would always want to know how it went.

The feeling of your dear, thin hand as we said our last "in person" goodbyes. And the sound of your feeble voice in that final, precious phone call. 

 You are forever in my heart, Daddy. Two years is nothing in light of eternity.

A Gift from the Heart

Have you ever looked into the eyes of someone who was less than thrilled with a gift? You can see it the moment the paper falls away. What is revealed is far less than what they had expected. Disappointment is very obvious. The words are still spoken, "Thank you!", but there is no doubt the recipient is feeling let down. The problem is, you had spent hours and hours looking for just the right item. You put a lot of thought and time into choosing a gift that would bring a smile to the face and joy to the heart. Yet, there is only a forced smile and a pretense of gratitude. The same holds true for the ultimate Gift Giver. His greatest Gift to the world was not a spur of the moment decision. When searching for the very best Gift, money was no object. He would not give anything less than the very best. He held nothing back. Scripture says, "Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in Christ with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places, even as He chose us in Him before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy and blameless before Him." Ponder those words: Before the foundation of the world. Before the Garden of Eden. Before the first bite of the fruit. Before Cain or Abel. Before all of it. BEFORE creation was even formed, God had chosen the Gift. He had formed the plan, and knew the outcome. He even knew the reaction of every recipient. He knew whether that Gift would be received or rejected. This past week, we have pondered again the plan. We remembered the triumphant entry into Jerusalem. We paused again to reflect on the overturning of the tables in the temple of Jerusalem. We walked through the Triduum--the last three days--of the life of Jesus. We relived the Last Supper. We walked to the Garden of Gethsemane with Him. We witnessed His agony in prayer, and the betrayal by one of His followers. We reminsced on the importance of the private, quick trial and hasty conviction of One who had taught, healed, and worked other miracles publicly. We recalled His brutal scourging and horrific death on a Roman cross of crucifixion. Then, quite joyfully, we celebrated His coming back to life: the resurrection of a man who died a brutal death. We sang the songs. We wore the beautiful clothes. But what is that in our eyes? Is it disappointment? Are we feeling let down? Is there a moment of, "Oh, is that all?" Remember the verse quoted above: In Christ, God has given us EVERY spiritual blessing. In accepting that amazing, seemingly impossible Gift, we are participating in the plan begun "before the foundation of the world". God knew what would happen. He knew we would often choose other things that sparkled or offered more momentary joy. He knew. Yet, He continued with the plan. He went forward with offering His own Son to come, live, die, and resurrect. He didn't withhold anything. Romans 8:31-32 says, "What then shall we say to this? If God is for us, who is against us? He who did not spare His own Son but gave Him up for us all, will He not also give us all things with Him?" My hope and prayer is that today, you will take some time to reflect on the value of this Gift. Don't stop at Easter Sunday, and decide to set Him aside. Open the entire Gift, and let Him give you "all things" that He desires: Life. Love. Strength. Wisdom. Understanding. Fortitude. Knowledge. Piety. Peace. Joy. Longsuffering. Kindness. Goodness. Faithfulness. Gentleness. Self-control. And so much more! Accept the Gift. Acknowledge the Giver with unbridled joy and deep thankfulness of heart. This is definitely the Gift that keeps on giving! For more information: https://www.catholic.com/qa/the-seven-gifts-of-the-holy-spirit

A Year of Firsts

I could simply type "2020" and everyone would have a whole recollection of "firsts" for the past year.  So many unexpected experiences.  I have seen the word "unprecedented" more in the past twelve months than I have in my whole life.  Yes, it is definitely a year that will not quickly pass from memory.

Like all of you, I have undergone a series of "firsts":

1) First time wearing a mask when entering a bank (add church, grocery store, etc. etc.); 2) First time not going to church for two months, because we weren't allowed to be there in person; 3) First time seeing our family and not hugging them; 4) First time attending church at a distance from others; 5) First time attending church and being told not to sing; 6) First time staying at a motel with a complimentary breakfast--and being given a brown bag; 7) First time trying to connect with people without them seeing me smile back; 8) First time visiting friends with a door, window, or at least 6' between us; 9) First time teaching piano lessons remotely (which began with a whole lot of other "firsts"); and, 10) First time I have taken a walk EVERY day for several weeks in a row just so I could be out of the house!

As you're reading this, you can probably relate to most or all of those "firsts" as well.

But, totally unrelated to COVID-19, this has been another year of "firsts" (beginning in October, 2019):

1) First year my dad celebrated his birthday in the presence of his Lord; 2) First year of not having Dad call to ask about the weather, and "are you kids safe up there?"; 3) First year of going to Kansas, but Dad wasn't there to greet us; and, 4) First year of longing for heaven so much it physically hurts.

This list could go on and on, but I'm sure you get the picture.  

Let's move on, though.  What are some of the truly positive "firsts"?

Our family has spent more time together than ever before. In certain moments, that may have felt like a negative instead of a positive.  I mean, four adults together in a 2-bedroom apartment?!  But even on those occasions when we all just needed some s-p-a-c-e, it was a positive.  We have learned new ways to talk through our differences and help each other through the craziness of life.  

Our oldest son landed his first full-time job.  That, my friends, is definitely a positive.

Our family has gone on more outdoor adventures than ever before.  Including, but not limited to, getting lost on a hiking trail, along with about 20 strangers.  (Which reminds me of a letter I should write to the Cuyahoga County Parks folks.  Trail markers are an important tool in life!)

In far deeper ways, I have learned to appreciate the times I do have with friends and family.  

I have learned how much strength I draw from being at church with my brothers and sisters in Christ, and from the reception of Holy Communion.  From March to May, watching Mass via a computer screen, it created this deep longing inside.  The first time "public" Mass was offered at our church, we were there, masks in place!

I have experienced life without my dad's verbal encouragement, yes.  But I have learned to live out his words of wisdom by simply remembering his example.  What a gift!  

stevemarselstudio.com

I think the biggest lesson I have learned throughout the madness of 2020 is that we all NEED each other.  Sure, we have a plethora of different views on religion, politics, etc.  But in the end, we are all
PEOPLE.  We were created for relationship.  I pray that we all learn the importance of that in new ways in the year 2021.

May your new year be filled with more positive "firsts" and less negative!